Below is a picture taken of the students in Miss Henderson's second grade class at Beltway Elementary School in Washington DC eight years after Bill Clinton left office. Honest.

Labels: Funny

Labels: Funny

Recently I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. -- Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how this insidious disease manifests itself:

I decided to wash my car. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the hall table. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the trashcan under the table, and notice that the trashcan is full. So I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the trash anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. I take m y checkbook off the table, and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go to my desk where I find the can of pop that I had been drinking. I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the pop aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.?

I see that the pop is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the pop, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye -- they need to be watered. I set the pop down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, we will be looking for the remote, but nobody will remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers. I splash some water on the flowers, but most of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. At the end of the day: the car isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, there is a warm can of pop sitting on the counter, the flowers aren't watered, there is still only one check in my checkbook, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e- mail.

Exerpt taken from boortz.com

Labels: Funny

Wow!! this is an email I accually recieved from some one. I almost deleted it along with several other pieces of spam I recieved. I'm glad I slowed down a bit to read it. Maybe I'll reply to it. hehe. I really really really hope this is a joke:P Oh and ah, you gotta read this while imagining that the Twilight Zone theme music is playing in the background.

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From: webmaster@epi.com (Frank Young)

Subject: Time travelers PLEASE HELP!!!!!!

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Date: Thu, 10 Jan 2002 21:20:58 +0100

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Below is the result of your feedback form.  It was submitted by
Frank Young (webmaster@epi.com) on Thursday, January 10, 2002 at 21:20:58
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

message: If you are a time traveler or alien disguised as human and or have the technology to travel physically through time I need your help!

My life has been severely tampered with and cursed!! I have suffered tremendously and am now dying!

I need to be able to:

Travel back in time.

Rewind my life including my age back to 4.

Be able to remember what I know now so that I can prevent my life from being tampered with again after I go back.

I am in very great danger and need this immediately!

I am aware that there are many types of time travel, and that humans do not do well through certain types.

I need as close to temporal reversion as possible, as safely as possible. To be able to rewind the hands of time in such a way that the universe of now will cease to exist. I know that there are some very powerful people out there with alien or government equipment capable of doing just that.

If you can help me I will pay for your teleport or trip down here, Along with hotel stay, food and all expenses. I will pay top dollar for the equipment. Proof must be provided.

Also if you are one of the very few beings with the ability to edit the universe PLEASE REPLY!!!

Only if you have this technology and can help me please send me a (SEPARATE) email to:

Robby0809@aol.com

Please do not reply if your an evil alien!

Thanks

Labels: Funny

Nah, no one could ever accuse me of being sarcastic. Especially about a rock solid operating system made by charitable and good natured company named Microsoft, would I? You bet your Enron stock I would. And to prove it I included this graphic that exemplifies the typical windows annoyances for all my phildowd.com fans to enjoy.

For those of you that need help understanding the sarcasm press Alt + F4.

Labels: Funny

Every now and then you wake up in the morning, and you know something great is going to happen today. Some of the tell tale signs will be: the sun is shining, a cool breeze is blowing, your girl friend is wearing that pretty dress, you find a 20 dollar bill in a jacket that you didn't know you had. Things are going your way:) You might think something bad is about to happen because you never have a day like this. But the optimist in you forces you to pop a Mentos and go head long into the rest of the day. That 20 dollar bill leads you into town to see where it wants to be spent. Low and behold, you run into a snake oil dealer hawking some new gadgets fresh off the black market. Then, it hits you square in the face! A 'must have' and you can't believe how much he is letting it go for. You would easily spend 10 times that much. Yes, it is defiantly your day:) You plunk that bill down and make off with your brand new made for Microsoft Keyboard. The only keyboard you will ever need.

Labels: Funny

In a train carriage there was Bill Clinton, George Bush, a spectacular looking blonde and a frightfully awful looking fat lady. After several minutes of the trip, the train passes through a dark tunnel, and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the tunnel, Clinton had a big red slap mark on his cheek. (1) The blonde thought - "That rascal Clinton wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who in turn must have slapped his face" (2) The fat lady thought - "That dirty old Bill Clinton laid his hands on the blonde and she smacked him." (3) Bill Clinton thought - "George put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me." (4) George Bush thought - "I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can smack Clinton again."

Labels: Funny

1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding. 2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex. 3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than US nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists. 4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding. 5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs. 6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural. 7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand. 8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity. 9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who've never been outside of the city do. 10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it. 11. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars. 12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution. 13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high. 14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Stienem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison. 15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't. 16. You have to believe Hillary Clinton is really a lady. 17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge. 18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House. 19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal. 20. You have to believe that Democrat Party funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States. 21. You have to believe that this letter is part of a vast right wing conspiracy.

Labels: Funny

We just took a trip to New York to see a Yankees and Red Sox Game. You Just have to check these pictures out that my wife caught of a fan picking his nose. Check out the guy sitting next to me. And yes of course...I'm the ham that is posing for the shots.

No Way!!! This is not happening.

Oh yeah, it's happening...and your sitting right next to him.

Whats he doing now???

Ah well, at least its not being wiped on me.

Its not that good is it?

Ah well, you go to Yankee stadium, you gotta figure that one person is going to leave with a boogar for a sovinier.

Labels: Funny, Pics

Now, this is the project that put phildowd.com on the map. If you were ever worried about the security of your PC and wanted to know what steps you could take in securing your investment and safeguarding your critical data. Take a look at the following... Oh, and ah this wasn't my project so kudos to the sap that lost his site due to overwhelming traffic and this is a joke so leave it to the professionals.

One of the greatest fears computer owners face is the risk of someone breaking into their home and stealing their investment. The effects of data loss, alone, can be devastating! This page will cover a very effective method of protecting your personal computer.

Most criminals will not steal what they are unable to carry. If you make your computer so heavy that it is extremely difficult to lift, the risk of it being stolen is greatly reduced! This is accomplished by following these simple instructions...

What You'll Need

Remove the cover of your PC and create forms, using scrap wood that you may have. If you don't have wood, sheet plastic or heavy cardboard may do the trick. It must be able to support the weight of the concrete when it's poured. If you have nothing to create forms with, use a saw to cut studs out of the walls of your home. They should work well. If you don't own your home, ask your neighbor if you may cut some out of his. You may wish to give the forms a light coat of oil to make removal easier, once the concrete is hard.

After your forms are in place, pour the concrete mix into a large container and add the appropriate amount of water. Concrete should be mixed to a thick consistency, without dry or powdery spots. If the mix is too watered down, it will run out of every little crack in the computer case and will not harden properly. Use a shovel to fill the case with concrete and work the concrete into place using your hands and/or a large screwdriver. Try to level the concrete, but keep it clear of screw holes or any place where the cover will mate with the chassis.

Allow adequate time to cure and remove the forms. I allow about 8 hours to pass before removing the forms and about 24 hours before moving the PC.

Once the forms are removed, the computer should be one big block of concrete on the inside. Replace the cover and wipe the PC down with a damp cloth to remove any concrete that may have run out of the case.

When complete, this PC weighed approximately one-hundred-ten pounds. I left this computer in front of my home for a week and it was not stolen! Just imagine how secure it would be in your home! Sure, the computer may no longer function, but rest-assured that it won't be stolen! ...I would, also, recommend not ever plugging it back in!

IMPORTANT UPDATE:

After having this computer in front of my house for approximately two months, it was finally stolen! It was recovered the next morning in a ditch, one block from my home. The cover plates of the two empty drive bays were missing. I assume the criminal knocked them out to allow a location to grip the case. The computer was still intact and the thief is probably sore and suffering from back problems, but be aware that this method of protection is not fool-proof. I am watching the neighborhood for someone walking with a limp or in a wheelchair. I view this as a challenge and may have to fill a full-size tower with concrete, hoping to break the 200 pound mark. If this does not provide the desired results, I may resort to visiting a foundry and pouring with molten lead. I must first find an over-head crane to make it possible to position it in my front yard. There is the possibility of pouring it with concrete, after it is properly situated on the front lawn. A previous attempt had been made around Halloween, to steal this computer. It was partially moved off of my front step. Even if this method does not prevent your computer from being stolen, it should drastically increase the chances of it being recovered. Be warned that you may need to reinforce the rafters of your home, to support the weight of your computer, if it is not located in the basement.

Labels: Funny